Chapter-Thirty Six

For as long as she could remember, Callie loved going to the hospital. Some might say that was weird, as most people have this fear and dread of going to one. A place full of sickness, pity and death, through the eyes of some. But Callie saw it as a place of hope, healing and life. It was the air that hit you first, the crisp clean smell of sterilisation, sometimes with the added touch of pine. Or if you were lucky and came around a meal time, it was the smell of warm mass produced food that got you.

This was home

You just knew where you belonged, and Callie never felt out of place here. She always felt safe and always felt comfort , along with the small buzz of excitement that she felt right down to her toes. As the click of her heels followed her down the corridor, so did the chatter of doctors in long white coats being followed by interns like a gaggle of geese, desperate to learn all they could.

God, how she wanted that.

But no, instead she went through law school at her father’s wishes. She had the grades and the aptitude for law, there was no doubt there and he’d supported her in
every way. How did you tell him that it wasn’t for you, without it sounding like you were throwing it all back in his face? She was good at law, but truly wondered how good of a doctor she’d be, because she whole heartedly loved the idea.

It hadn’t been all awful, her parents had been wonderful parents, and she never had gone without for anything. She grew up in a big house, full of love and family, so she had nothing really to complain about.

She arrived at ICU, her palms growing sweaty as she approached the large white counter.

“Ah, I’m here to see Mr Richards,” she smiled to the nurse that was fussing with charts.

She looked up and her expression didn’t change. “And you are? Immediate family only.”

“I’m Callie, his daughter.” Some bed side manner wouldn’t have hurt, she thought watching the hard faced matron look down at her chart.

“Room 6A, you can stay for 20 minutes, he’s awake.” And she went back to filling out her papers.

Callie wondered if she just assumed she knew where room 6A was, it wasn’t rocket science but still. She began to think how she’d act in a hospital if she worked here, she certainly would at least smile and show some personality once and awhile.

She approached the door and peered through the glass, the lump building in her throat. There was her dad, her strong-minded, opinionated Dad, lying accessorised with tubes and machines. But it was his color that startled her, he was so white and looked like he’d aged ten years overnight. She’d never seen him look so weak in her life. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks as she slowly opened the door.

“Daddy?” The steady beep of his heart monitor, worked in tandem with the shhh of the oxygen.

He turned his head slightly and opened his eyes, steely blue just like hers, but clouded with sleep.

“Callie.” He lifted his hand, but she rushed over to his bedside and covered it with her own.

“Just rest daddy, I’m here.” She stroked his knuckles and propped herself on the side of the bed.

The small smile on the corners of his mouth reminded her of when she was young and used to curl into her father at night, while he read law cases, or watched TV.

“We couldn’t find you.” He croaked, signalling for the glass with a straw in it.

She reached over for the cup and held the straw at his lips, while he sipped.

“I was in Florida, with Jon.” No point lying, her mom already knew.

His eyes fell to hers, and he didn’t say anything more. He didn’t have to.

“How are you feeling? And what happened?”

He chuckled a little, and then took a deep breath. “I was over doing it, your mother kept telling me I was running the place too much on my own and needed help. But you know me, I didn’t listen.”

She smiled, that was her father, one hundred and twenty percent.

“Now you have to Dad, I hope you’re taking time off.”

He nodded, “that’s what I want to talk to you about.” Her heart skipped in her chest, talk to her about? Why? What could he possibly want from her?

His hand tightened around hers. “Callie, I know I haven’t been that supportive of you lately, and I’m not even going to talk about your marriage. But I’ve had to make a decision, and not one I’m going to take lightly.”

She nodded, “right...and?” She had no idea where this was going and still no idea what it had to do with her.

“I want you to take over the firm.”

Her head screamed, and her hand gripped the side bar on the bed.

“But Dad, I’m the youngest, don’t you want to leave this to Chelsea or Michaela, god or even Daryl?” He was the son, for god’s sake, he should get this.

“That’s why Callie, you’re the youngest, you’ve got more to give and I can mentor you.”

Her stomach clenched, this should have been the opportunity of a lifetime, but instead it hung over her like a death sentence. The tears that bit her eyes, she forced into submission. She would not cry in front of him, not like this.

“But, I don’t,” she didn’t even know what to say to him. Her med school papers, were still firmly tucked away in her purse and now they may of well have burst into flames.

“Callie, listen to me.” His voice was gentle and loving not menacing like it had been a couple of weeks ago. “I believe in you, you must know that.”

The lump in her throat was growing, her head felt weak and she was sure she was about to faint.

“I do, but I want to go...” she rolled her bottom lip under her teeth. It was the only thing she could do to force the tears away.

“To med school?” He smiled and shook his head. “I know you did sweetie, but let’s be realistic here, that’s years and years of training ahead of you. You would have to start over from scratch. Callie, I’m giving you an amazing gift here, you’ll never need anything for the rest of your life. Once you’re in, you’re in. End of story.”

She closed her eyes, her whole world was trembling in front of her. She wouldn’t need for anything ever again, and she’d have all the money and power she wanted. The family name in the law industry was a powerful and prestigious thing. Oh god, but she wanted medicine so bad. So bad it hurt.

“It’s not always about the money.” She was proud of herself that she actually said it.

“Is this coming from Jon? He’s telling you to throw away your career, like he can talk, he has no career. He’ll be washed up and over within a year Callie, and what will you still have. A career, and a life for yourself.”

But I’ll be miserable. God, she wanted to say it out loud but she lost the gumption. He lay there, flat on his back helpless and weak, the man of steel flattened to a bed, and she just didn’t have the heart to tell him anything else than what he wanted to hear. She could do this for him, it was the least she could do, for bringing her up right, and he was still her father at the end of it. She couldn’t be selfish as much as she wanted, she just couldn’t.

“He’s going to make it big, I was at his concert Dad, he’s not different to you or I when it comes to commitment.” The need to defend him surprised her, but her father had such a narrow minded approach to what was successful and what wasn’t.

His breath whistled as he closed his eyes. God, she couldn’t argue with him, not here. “Daddy, it’s just a big surprise, that’s all.”

The grey steel returned and locked down on her eyes, “you know what I also chose you Callie?”

“Why?”

“Out of all the kids, and yes they’ve all done so well for themselves, I saw something in you that I haven’t seen in any of them. Fire, Callie. You’ve got a lot of fire in that courtroom.”

How ridiculous was it, that he was right. How ridiculous was it, in the court room she had no problem saying what she had to say, but here, she was railroaded. By her father, of all people. God she was pathetic.

“You’ll make an exceptional criminal lawyer one day. You really will.”

Then it dawned on her, none of her sisters or brother had gone into criminal law, but Callie had kind of edged in that direction as she started out. It was what Pierce Richards was famous for, getting the bad guys off.

She couldn’t lie, she enjoyed the challenge of criminal law, and the odds were more stacked up against you in any given case. But it was simple, she would rather be saving their lives, not saving their freedom.

“Callie?”

“Dad,” god, just say it... do it. She’d already decided to do it, but he looked so weak. Would he be devastated? God, would he be angry and have another heart attack?

“Callie, are you going to disappoint me? I understand this is ultimately your choice.” The lines in his face had softened, and gone was the stern law-stricken face that always wore, no matter what.

What choice did she have? If he’d offered this to her brother, or her sisters, they would be over the moon. She felt selfish, like a spoiled little child for even thinking no. The decision she had to make was stabbing her in the chest, and her head was screaming no.

How could she let her dream slip away quicker than a ruptured bleed on the OR table? Her eyes fell to the floor, blurring as she desperately tried to hold herself back in front of him. Memories that weren’t even born yet flooded her head, knowing she would never get to see them play out. She’d never get to see what it felt like to cut into someone, and save their life. She’d never get to experience that loss, when you knew you’d done everything you possibly could have.

The silence was thick, just the hum and beep of the machines kept the room alive. She closed her eyes and wished she was elsewhere, back in Florida? Back in bed with Jon... Anywhere where she wasn’t having a nightmare that she could never wake from.

“I-“ You just have to say it, just have to say no Callie. One simple word, but it wouldn’t be that simple. If there was one thing she knew, it was that her father never took no, as an answer. She’d be out on her own, disowned from the family. Her family, that she loved and adored. It just wasn’t fair.

Life isn’t fair Callie. The voice came from nowhere, but it was Jon’s in her head. How many times had he told her to fight for what she wanted, and what she believed in? And why in the holy hell could she now, at the eleventh hour, not bring herself to do it.

She was at a loss with herself. Her duty, came above all else.

She nodded.

It was done.

Her dream was lost.

Pierce smiled, the widest she’d ever seen and brought her hand to his lips. “You’ve made me so proud Callie Richards.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she wished Jon had been here. She needed him more than she cared to admit, if he’d been here, he would have never let her accept it.

She had to leave, had to get the hell out of there. Now she hated hospitals, and as she walked the corridors, all she saw now was shattered dreams and loss, as doctors consoled loved ones, as they sobbed at bad news. As they lost all hope.

Callie wanted to sob, and she wanted to scream. But she didn’t, the force was so great that she knew when she started, it would rip her in half and she couldn’t here. Not here, in the land of hopes and dreams, now clouded with stormy skies and
obligation.

Obligation that would kill her in the end.

As a crash cart whizzed past her, she watched as doctors and nurses scrambled into a room. She stood, frozen to the spot and couldn’t move marvelling in how by instinct they knew what to grab and worked flawlessly as a unit.

A unit she’d never be part of.

An urgency she’d never have.

A love she’d lost.