Chapter Forty

She pressed her nose into his shirt, the heat of his chest soothed her more than it should. He smelled like she remembered, spicy and fresh with a little kick she could only associate with Jon. Why couldn't things be different? Why? Her tears blended with the soft cotton of his shirt, as she finally lost the battle to hold it all in.

Her heart was breaking inside her, piece by piece. Through Jon, and through her father, her will to fight anymore had all but melted away. She'd been preparing herself for this moment over the last few days, forcing the tears into submission every time she'd thought about him walking right through that door.

But she'd lost.

The sight of him, in his ripped jeans, red leather boots and loose blue button down shirt had made her heart leap before she could catch it again. Mixed in with the misery, the hurt and the betrayal of what he'd done, she'd let go.

She hated for him to see her so weak, when he was the one person she'd been able to show her weakness to and lean on him as a pillar of strength, and a pillar of hope.

But not now.

He was so beautiful when he'd walked in the door, and her belly churned when all she could do was picture those girls all over him, touching him and him responding.

“Callie, talk to me.” He buried his nose into her hair, she had to pull back and break the connection or she never would.

“No, Jon...” she folded her arms and backed away, breaking the heat and the comfort she'd submitted to.

“Baby, please...I can explain everything.” He took her hand, and she tugged them away.

“No Jon, it's over. I can't do this anymore.” Her eyes stayed on his boots, she was too afraid she’d lose her nerve if she met his.

“Callie, I've been a jerk... Can we at least talk?”

She turned away, searching for her keys, searching for a reason to leave.

“No Jon, I have to go. Dad's been in hospital. He needs me.”

He'll always need me.

He grabbed her arm and twirled her around. “Hospital? What the hell happened?”

His eyes were wide and red rimmed. Her heart twisted at his emotion as she swallowed down the ever forming lump in her throat. “Heart attack, he's been there for awhile now. He's getting better.”

“Christ, Callie, you should have told me! Should have,” he raked his hand through his hair and stopped looking back over at the stacks of paperwork that her life, smeared all over them. “Are you doing work for him?”

She looked away and finally found her keys, “sort of.” She wasn't in the mood to hear how disappointed he was in her for not following through with her plan, she'd finally brought herself to carry out.

He gave her space, but blocked the doorway. “Sort of? What's going on baby?” His tone dropped, and she wanted to crumble. Into his arms and into his strength. She didn't know how much longer she could do this, pretend she was ok with this.

When she clearly wasn't.

“Jon, please. I have to go. He'll be waiting.” She wiped her cheeks and took a deep breath to even out her own emotions.

“You're not telling me something.”

“Like you can talk,” the venom snapped off her tongue fast.

He held his hand up, “I deserved that. But putting that aside for the minute. Did you tell him about medical school?”

“I asked you to leave Jon.”

“Callie.”

“I mean it, I don't want you here anymore...” The room blurred as she fought again, dammit. She wiped her cheeks, and tried to get shove past him but his body weight held true.

“Callie, I'm not going anywhere.”

His grip locked her legs, and she crumbled. Her knees buckled and she slid to the floor. Her chest tightened and the sobs came, and so did Jon. Wrapped around her, he sank to the floor holding her tight against him.

He stroked her back gently, as she hiccuped through the hurt that she'd held onto for so long. The grief of losing her dream, was so her reality. Could she also handle losing him?

“Oh sweetheart, shhh... it's ok. I'm here. Just let it go baby. Let it all go.”

It shook her body like a freight train, as she sobbed so hard it stabbed her in the gut. “I can't,” she wished for a moment that this was all a dream, a very horrible wrong dream that she would wake from any minute.

She wanted to pull herself up from the floor and walk away from him, but she was done, she had neither the strength to fight him or her father at this given moment.

“Callie, please...tell me.” She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the concern in his voice. His hands cupped her back, and stroked her as she settled against him. “You're worrying me baby... tell me.”

She pressed her cheek against his shirt, now damp from her tears and didn't look up. She had to tell someone, and probably the only person that understood. Her mother was disappointed she even felt this way, as she'd been offered a gift, a chance to make the big time. And her sisters and brother, well they only saw envy that she was chosen for this. She was a brilliant lawyer, and people knew she had the mind of one but she lacked the heart of one.

“Dad asked me to run the firm, he's making me partner.”

She felt her lungs collapse, as if the words had been choking her were finally set free.

Jon's hands stopped. “He did? And did you tell him that you were already going to medical school?”

The heavy silence that hung around them, answered for her.

“Callie, you can't do this. You're throwing your life away to be strapped to some miserable existence you know you'll end up hating.”

Her fingers bunched in his sleeve. “You don't know what it was like,” she whispered. “What it was like to have him lying in the bed, telling me this is what he wanted because he believes in me. The man that gave me life, telling me he believes in me and my ability to do the one thing he actually respects in life, you can't tell me you'd of walked away from that.”

“You should have, Callie.”

She pulled back and met his eyes, the hurt and misery bubbling inside her to anger. “Do you even know what it's like having the whole damn world against you, to do what you want to do? No. Your parents support you Jon, they support you in every way no matter how crazy you wanted it.”

His eyes clouded over, “can't you see your father had you right where he wanted you? The one person he is afraid that will say no to him, he asks for your life on his sick bed. That's cruel Callie, just plain fuckin cruel.”

“Like you can talk. You do it every day your up on stage Jon, you have the girls right where you want them. How can they not buy your album if you throw your cock at them?”

It was the anger, it the aching inside of her that caused the words to fly.

“That's not what I do and you know it.”

Callie laughed, “Sorry I forgot you actually bury your cock inside of them.”

His hands stilled around her, locked into fists. “No one said this was going to be easy, I fucked up Callie. I'm sorry, I'll say it a thousand times, but I am sorry.”

“Saying it won't make it go away, you told that girl what our arrangement was Jon, how could you even do that?”

Jon pushed up from the floor dragging her with her, he pulled he close to her chest so their lips were inches apart. “I'm sorry, I was an idiot. I didn't know Callie, I didn't know I was in love with you.”

Her heart leapt into her throat, it didn't make it right but she wanted to believe him.
Wanted to believe that this, thing between them could really work. She had nothing else, nothing but him now.

He didn't give her a minute more to think, crushing his lips against hers. She melted into the kiss, letting her hands slide up around his neck. His warmth and heat curled around her like a fist, as she let his tongue cut through her lips. He backed her against the wall, but kept the kiss slow and deliberate.

The hardness in his jeans pressed up against her belly, “Callie,” he murmured as his lips left a hot trail of destruction down her neck.

“Oh god,” she moaned as she arched back letting him lap at her skin. Bringing her leg up she wrapped it around his hip to steady herself, closing the gap between their bodies to less than inches.

She groaned when his hungry mouth found her breast, teasing relentlessly through the cotton. “Jon,” she clutched her fingers into his hair as she held him there, her nipples instantly hard as he sucked through the fabric.

For one moment she wanted to let go, let him have her, let her feel like she felt in Florida under him, around him, lost inside of him.

But she couldn't.

She pushed him away, “no Jon. I can't.” She couldn't go back to that. Or she'd never come back.

“You should go...”

“No, I'm not going anywhere, I know I'm responsible for this but while you're like this, I can’t just leave you alone. You've been left alone enough. I'm not going, so get used to it.”

“Fine, suit yourself.” She snatched her purse and walked towards the door.

“I want you gone when I get home Jon, I mean it.” She closed the door behind her and leaned back against it. She hugged her arms around herself and closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She had to leave, had to get out, he was so overwhelming that she couldn't think, let alone breathe. It was best he was gone, but a tiny part of her hoped to god, he was still there when she got home.