Chapter Forty-One

Callie sat huddled on the park bench tugging her coat tighter around her. She buried her nose into the wool and watched the snow fall slowly, and like her tears they slowly dissolved into the concrete. How had her life gone from being normal to this crazy whirlwind, where her heart was being ripped in every direction?

She wanted to pack a bag and disappear, god who wouldn’t? The logical side her knew that wouldn’t’ solve anything, but just prolong it. In the last few months, she never expected to fall in love and then have her heart broken by two separate people. Her father didn’t know what this was doing to her, she lived in hope that if she truly told him, truly showed him how much this was killing her. He’d take compassion, but she was too scared to be rejected by it.

As she twisted the belt in her fingers, she knew the problem was that she would never have the guts. Jon was right, he was walking all over her and she was letting him. But so was Jon.

She sighed and closed her eyes. Jon.

What the hell did she do now? Somewhere deep inside her, she knew she loved the guy. No one had ever bothered to believe in her, enough to tell her to follow her own dreams. The one thing she loved more than anything was his passion, and it was the one thing that she was jealous of.

Could she forgive him for this? Maybe.

It was a fucked up situation, from the beginning when he made the decision that they’d stay married to piss people off and make a stand. Another decision someone made for her.

She wiped her cheeks, her heart felt so deep and hollow. She wasn’t sure she had much more to give anyone. What did you do when everything around you failed you?

You look out for yourself. That’s what you do Callie.

God, could she? The thought rankled in head as she imagined what it would be like to take some control over her life. Days ended grey and miserable, and then the next they were sunny and bright. Could her own life be just like that?

God how much she wanted it to be.

Jon had least shown her, that if she wasn’t going to take control, no one else would.

Maybe that’s what she finally had to do.

She stood and dusted off the snow and walked slowly back to her apartment, her belly flip flopped when she stood at her door, her heart raced in her chest, if she didn’t do this now, she never would.

Her fingers rolled into her hand, and she walked in. The apartment was eerily silent, had he gone? His bags weren’t where they were by the door when she left. She clicked the door closed behind her and shrugged off her jacket and dropped her keys.

“Hey.”

She looked up to see him standing in ripped jeans and an old football sweater, leaning against the doorframe in the kitchen. His hair was loose, and his smile warm, she wanted to forget all this and fold herself into his heat. God, she did.

“Hi.” She swallowed against the large lump in her throat.

Could she really give up the only good thing that had happened to her?

God, she didn’t want to be alone again. Her arms shook as she folded them. His eyes were sad and tired. She knew he felt bad, but right now it wasn’t enough.

“You ok?”

She sat herself down on the couch and let the coffee table blur in front of her. “No, I’m not Jon.” He moved to her but she shrugged away from him. “Don’t, please.” It took everything for her to dig deep inside her and find her gumption. “You hurt me Jon. You broke my heart.” She couldn’t’ look at him. Refused to look at him, if she did she’d never get it out.

Jon clasped his hands to together and rested them on his knees beside her. “I know, I was stupid Callie and if I could change it, I would.”

“You can’t change it Jon. Maybe I was naive thinking you meant something, and I meant something to you.” Her chest stabbed with the hurt still so close to the surface. Had she really been that stupid? She wasn’t built for this life, booze, girls, and the constant insecurity that she never knew she had.

He grabbed her hands in his. “C’mon you do mean something to me. Callie, baby. Fuck, listen to me.” Her heart twisted tighter, his baby blue eyes shone with earnest. “You, do.”

“Why, because you are now off tour? Need something to play with back home?” She almost took the words back but didn’t.

“I deserve that and a whole lot more.”

“Damn right you do.” She stood and walked over to the window that looked over the street. She gnawed on her bottom lip. “I was there when no else was. I took you away, with money that was given to me for our marr-” she blew out her breath. “Fake marriage and I can’t do it anymore,” she whispered. “I can’t do any of it.” The weight of hurt just wanted her to bury herself under the covers in bed, and forget about the world. She felt her behind him, the snowy postcard outside blurred when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind.

“I don’t want to lose you Callie.” She felt his breath puff against her neck. She blinked away the tears as he nosed her shoulder and kissed the side of her neck. “You’re the only one that gets me.”

She shook her head and tried to undo his clasp around her belly. “No, I can’t be Jon. I can’t be it for anyone anymore.” He didn’t budge, his grip only constricted tighter the more she tried to pry open his fingers. “Jon, please don’t make this hard as it always is. I was never meant to fit into your life. I can’t -- I can’t bear it. Knowing that you’ll always have girls all over you, and wonder if you’ll take what they so desperately offer you.” Her voice cracked, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “I can’t, and you shouldn’t ask me to.”

The sob jolted her out of the silence that hung between them. “Callie. Don’t do this. You need me.”

She twisted around, still caged in by his arms. “No, you need me Jon.” Tears rolled down her eyes. “You always have.” She swallowed her emotion and placed her palms flat on his chest. “I’m sorry Jon. It's over. I have to do this, for me. I have to.”

The strength inside her was fading, if she didn’t end this with him now. She knew she never would. It was cruel, as he was the only one that finally understood and believed in her, and maybe he did love her. But that didn’t make this right.

~

Before him was the girl he’d met just months ago, so fragile and willing to go along with his stupid idea of his marriage and what kind of stand it would take.

And now here she stood, broken because of her fucking father.

When he’d met Callie she was so shy, and over time with him she’d come out of her shell. But now, here she was, quiet, her eyes had lost all sparkle and he was to blame.


He was a fucking idiot. All this time he’d been worried far too much about the game, how the game affected his life and his reputation in the game. When he should have been worried about her.

He was used to getting what he wanted, and he’d just lost the only thing he realized he actually needed.

Callie.

Sweet, innocent Callie who had come into his by a drunken mistake, he was too fucking blind to see what a blessing it had truly been. She’d unconditionally looked out for him, and fallen in love with him. He was no better than fuckin Doc, playing her like a puppet. He popped his knuckles, and cursed under his breath.

She was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, and none of it was her own. He didn’t know too much about rejection from parents, so he couldn’t exactly stand on the soap box and tell her to stand up to her father like he’d been so easily doing. Maybe it wasn’t that easy to tell them the truth. God knows, he’d never of had to thank god.

“Dammit, Callie.” He pulled away from her, short of shaking her, he didn’t know what else to do. What else he could say to convince her to stay with him. He raked his hand through his hair and scoffed at the few tears that ran down his cheeks.

Did he fucking fall to his knees and beg her to give him another chance? No, that wasn’t his style and she knew it. Fuck, had he been so blind to not see that she knew him, more than a lot of people did. He needed her? Part of him wanted to tell her, she needed him before her father ran her into the ground.

Maybe it was too late.

That’s not what the songs he wrote said, they talked about hope, love and second chances. So why the fuck wasn’t this working now? Was life really that different than music?

It was killing him how destroyed she looked. “Is this what you want? Is this what you truly want Callie?” He turned her into his arms, and tilted her chin to meet his gaze. Her eyes were flat, and void of any affection for him. How could he have been so fucking blind to not to seen this earlier? Every time she looked at him, it’d made his heart trip. He’d give anything for her to look at him like that now. “I don’t believe you.”

She rubbed her chest and shook her head, before the tears fell from those beautiful eyes. “Don’t Jon. I can’t take much more.”

Jon wanted to push, he probably could have. But then how was that going to help her? She was doing the one thing he’d accused her for not being able to do. But he never expected her to do it to him. He couldn’t force her, that’s how this fucked up situation started in the first place. “Ok, I’ll go, on one condition.”

He found his bags, god he didn’t want to walk out the door without another night of holding her. Another night of hearing her laugh, and having her close to him. He could keep digging at her, and she’d give him for one night. He was sure of it. But he had to do something for her, for once.

“What?” she asked, her pretty blue eyes shinning with tears.

He cupped her chin and rolled his lip back under his teeth. “Stand up to him. You are worth more than this shit. Probably worth more than me, to tell the truth.” He kissed her forehead and pressed his own against it.

“Don’t let him destroy you. You stood up to me.” His eyes fell to hers. “Now stand up to him.”

He shouldn’t have but he leaned in for one more kiss, salty and sweet and everything that was his Callie mingled in his mouth. “Bye baby.”

And he didn’t look back.